Yuletide Miraculous

Team Awesome reunited this past weekend for a triumphant return to Wando. Wando is an island off Korea's south coast, and it is appropriate to say its name in a loud call-and-response:

"Waaanndoooo?"
"Waannnnndooooooo!"

Do that a few times with a Louis Armstrong-style rasp and you get the idea.

Here's a brief run-down on what happened last time we visited Wando in September:

1. I swam with my wallet. My wallet, as far as I know, is still swimming.

2. Max and I got pulled onstage at an outdoor 300-person schoolkids' talent performance and handed a microphone. We were given no instructions (other than a vague suggestion to play "Taxman" by the Beatles) and so we opened and closed our performance in a hurry: "We love Wando!"

3. We ended up hanging out with a national celebrity comedian and his entourage. Here he is in the middle:
One thing led to another, and soon we were invited to a private karaoke room courtesy of his brother, Wando's gundal (Korean mafia) boss. All in all, a nice bunch of guys, and everything was free! That's respect, baby.4. The karaoke session ended with an epic rendition of "Creep" and Mr. Comedian Man giving Max a squid-suction-cup-style kiss on the mouth. I'm not going to go into the details. You can ask him.

So Wando (Waaannndooo? Waaaaannnnndooooooo!) had a lot to live up to. We were dedicated to re-experiencing Wando in all its Grand Wandosity. And because we'd never leave something as important as Wando-ridiculousness to chance, we made sure to bring the right equipment for the weekend: tents, meat, six airsoft pellet guns, and a 4.5-liter bottle of scotch, which was presently dubbed Robot Juice.

Waaaannnndooooooooooo!
Right. We set up camp at a campsite by the beach that was probably closed but otherwise quite nice. Tents went up, bananas were eaten, and soon we were a bunch of robots hanging out on the beach. One of the other robots malfunctioned and ran into the ocean, getting sand in all its joints and seawater on all the other robots that went to go retrieve it. It required a rather long system reboot.

Note to parents, grandparents, and potential employers: the above section in no way endorses guns, alchohol, or any ill-conceived combinations of the two. The Wando Robots were in fact model campers; practicing excellent fire safety, keeping noise to a minimum, and fastidiously cleaning up after themselves. The above passage is intended to illustrate the absurdity of The Robots' mission and the impracticality of their stated objectives. We, the Wando Robots, would like to thank you for your understanding. Or, we say in Robot: "Bleep! Bloopity-beep-beep-shaBloop!"

Naturally, as with all plans laid out as meticulously as ours, everything soon went horribly wrong. We got to Wando in Kory's trusted 1993 Hyundai Santomo, nicknamed "The Dongchim" after we had to use the dog's poop-tongs to break into it from the outside. Long Story. Anyway, the Chim has about 150,000 miles on her, but she's got a good heart and room for seven. So: we woke up early on Sunday morning and took a ferry trip from Wando city to a nearby island and back. When we hopped back into the car to get back to the campsite, it wouldn't go.

Bleep.

Well, it would go, but not faster than 10 mph or so. Which isn't really fast enough. While the Dongchim may have spirit, her lungs weren't working too well, and she'd backfire herself to a stall every time we took her past 1500 rpms. Here's a picture of Kory driving in circles in a futile attempt to cure the Chim of her sniffles.
We couldn't get the Chim repaired, because naturally none of Wando's mechanics work on Sundays. So we held our breath, gritted our teeth, and began driving back to the campsite at a pace just slower than a tortise that's eaten way too many burritos.

But hark! 30 minutes (and 4 miles) into our journey, we were visited by a Christmas Miracle! The Chim managed to crest a hill a few miles from camp, and once she got rolling past 25 mph, something inside clunked into place and she began running smooth as a Swiss dream. Her sickness may still be there, but the Chimmer not only made it to camp, she brought us all the way home to Gwangju the next day! Huzzah!

Our good luck held for the rest of the expedition: the weather was good, the burgers were great, and we made friends with some other robots who were camping down the beach. On Monday morning, victory was declared and Team Wando Robot Awesome headed home.
Waaaaaannnnndooooooooo!